If you struggle with managing your expectations, you are not alone! I’ve battled with the exact same issue for years—but there is hope. You can stop your suffering when you let go of your negativity bias toward expectations. There is an interesting partnership surrounding expectations, and it shows up disguised as a friend called should and its cousin shouldn’t.
Have you ever stewed about a work mishap, thinking they should be more responsible? Or you found yourself in the middle of a traffic jam judging the garbage truck for blocking your way because they shouldn’t be on the road while you are running late for a meeting. And my favourite stew fest is when I’ve signed up for a webinar and quickly become impatient with the speaker because they shouldn’t be trying to read the chat box and present at the same time.
Just for kicks, let’s assume that all the grievances I’ve noted were 100% valid because “they,” the other people, had it wrong. How does a person show up without all of these expectations?
Could the phrase “expectations are premeditated resentments” fit these “they should,” fill-in-the-blank moments? Would I be partially correct if I expected others to show up with some level of respect for another person’s time? When I first heard someone say, “expectations are premeditated resentments,” my translation was that if I had expectations, I would end up being resentful. But that can’t be entirely true. I assumed my expectations were helpful (at times) and allowed me to make wise decisions in both business and life.
However, what happens when you expect something of and from yourself? According to psychologist Roseann Capanna-Hodge, “The brain will believe anything you tell it, right or wrong.” So, if we were to expand on this idea, then our expectations (correct or not) will have an impact on us in some way. Could it be possible to have expectations of oneself and use them for the betterment of our personal growth? I suggest that the answer is yes, with one big caveat. If we change our negative association with “expectation” and reframe the word to one of aspiration, motivation, or inspiration, our daily struggles—and the world we live in—have the potential to become more hopeful.
Today’s Hashtag: Reframe
Reference:
Holcombe, M. (2022, January) What’s going on in your mind matters. Retrieved from https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/20/health/expectations-optimism-mindset-wellness/index.html
Johnson, J.A. (2018, February) The Psychology of Expectations. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cui-bono/201802/the-psychology-expectations
